Saturday, May 06, 2006

I've been feeling pretty down. Pretty angry, fed up, worried, anxiety-laden, exhausted, hopeless and well, as a result not very nice to be around. The kids are quiet when they're around me. I posted a narky post here late yesterday afternoon, basically bitching and whinging about nothing. Then I heard this. Literally as I was hitting "Publish Post". And you know what, it hasn't pulled me from my abyss, it hasn't made me pull my head in, suck it up and just get on with it. But it made me pull that post because of how shallow, whingy and pathetic my current mindset is and how I know I should be doing all of the above. Then this morning, I asked Chef to get up and get boys dressed and fed as I'd been up at 3 with Oscar coughing and then he tagged with Jasper who I was up with until 5. Then I got up, collected all the washing that has been accumulating because GOD FORBID anyone else could do a load, agknowledged that Oscar doesn't have his splints on, realised Felix wasn't in his soccer gear, quietly tried to find the resolve that when they get back from a regular Saturday morning apt my Mum takes them to, I will have to redress them anyway. Someone didn't eat breakfast either. Anyway, then I flicked on Rage and Pete Murray was on singing this: Opportunity So it goes another lonely day You're saving time but you're miles away Your flowers drowning in some bitter tea Forseeing lost opportunity Find your mirror Go and look inside See the talent you always hide Don't go kid yourself, well not today Satisfaction's not far away Hold on now, your exit's here It's waiting just for you Don't pause too long It's fading now It's ending all too soon you'll see Soon you'll see Your coffee's warm but your milk is sour Life is short but you're here to flower Dream yourself along another day Never miss opportunity Don't be scared of what you cannot see Your only fear is possibility Never wonder what the hell went wrong Your second chance may never come along Hold on now, your exit's here It's waiting just for you Don't pause too long It's fading now It's ending all too soon you'll see Soon you'll see Soon you'll see Soon you'll see Soon you'll see Soon you'll see and I felt just a little bit better.


Blogger My float said...

Are you talking about little Sophie? Is that what stopped you from publishing? If it is, I was doing the same thing at the same time, and had the same response. How can such a thing happen twice to a child? A child?? Where is the meaning in that?

On the other hand, maybe it was something else that got to you?

5/06/2006 09:23:00 am  
Blogger MsCellania said...

It's really tough to be a parent alot of times, Kim. It's thankless, few opportunities to get a really good night's sleep, and lord knows the meal plan absolutely sucks!

You don't have to edit the crap out of what you post, or not post, because you're sounding too whiney, shallow or pathetic. I can guarantee we've all been there and felt that. And probably posted. Just putting the words out there is a release. We are ALL that person some days.

I'm glad you felt a bit better. And I hope your day continues to get better and that tomorrow is wonderful.

And lots of us here? We're on that Road Less Travelled On, and we totally get how hard it is some days. But some days? Are. Just. Perfect.

5/06/2006 10:47:00 am  
Blogger Kim said...

Hey guys - yes, about Sophie.

The first narky post was when Bec was in the process of discovering burglers (or bugglers, depending on our frame of mind) had stolen her mum's ashes, the second when Sophie had been injured - badly AND for a second time - by a car.

I'm not one for the whole - but look at what you do have - mentality. I grew up with it and quite frankly it always just made me feel worse rather than better.

I reckon we all have our load to bear and sometimes it seems heavier than usual or indeed, bearable, and that we have a right to feel however we do.

But man, if it's boring the hell out of me, I can't imagine what it's doing for anyone else reading about it.


5/06/2006 01:12:00 pm  
Blogger My float said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/06/2006 02:07:00 pm  
Blogger My float said...

Hey Kim, reading about your stuff makes us feel better about our own crap! LOL.

Seriously, what happened to Sophie is beyond comprehension. And I grew up with the 'look at what you do have' mentality as well, and it drives me nuts. Sometimes I feel my life sucks, no matter what happens to anyone else. But I still blog about it because I don't really care if people find it interesting - it's my outlet. God knows working from home and being a full-time mum ensures that I don't have many others! LOL.

PS. I removed my earlier comment because I realised I'd written something unclearly. Sleep deprived. Again. :)

5/06/2006 02:12:00 pm  
Blogger Surfing Free said...

Oh I think it's okay to moan about our lives ... the troubles may not stack up to the bigger troubles faced by others but they are OUR troubles so they matter as much to us.
Eek, if I can't moan about no sleep and my husband what will I blog about???! *panic*

5/08/2006 11:38:00 am  

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