Well I guess it's one way to deal with a phobia

The other day Suse was regaling all of us with tales of her new life in the bushburbs and mentioned in passing that the number and size of spiders wasn't thrilling her as much as other aspects of being that bit closer to nature. This morning, at 5.30, after getting Felix back to sleep in our bed and Oscar back to sleep in his due to the Southerly Buster waking them, but Jasper staring at me through the bars of his cot very excited that the lady with the rack was close-by, I got the New Recruit up and headed down the back room to feed him. I felt a spider web on my arm but it's not unusual for there to be a spidersweb spun overnight somewhere in a thoroughfare in our house so I brushed it away. But on brushing off about five more in different areas of our back room and HAVING.A.SPIDER.ON.ME my skin started to crawl. This morning people, we had our third spider explosion. The first happened a few weeks back when our beautiful friend Lara was over before heading off on her sojourn to Cuba and New York for Christmas. I could see these marks on the wall behind her head as we sat chatting on the lounge and it was only on closer inspection did we realise a) they were baby spiders and there were b) about a BILLION of them and c) they were RUNNING VERY FAST all over the walls, up onto the ceiling and OH MY GOD DO SOMETHING!!!! This was actually the catalyst for the cleaning off of the Ivar Ikea shelving and some monumental vacuuming/dusting/spring cleaning in the height of summer. Then, on Thursday last week, there was another one in.our.ensuite. That's right. NEXT TO our bedroom. This time there was about a million of them and they seemed to be coming from the boys toy basket in the shower, which is weird because they play with that almost every day although hadn't for about a week as bizarrely have returned to a bath as opposed to a shower ritual. Yesterday I found a big spindly (no Bec and other Australian readers, not a daddy long legs. but wait, do you have and call them that in other countries too?) spider sitting in our kitchen sink. I trapped it between a clear plastic jug and plastic lid and watched as it sharpened its fangs, laughing death in.the.face. Then, with this morning's outbreak, I found the nest. I am scratching my hair, neck and body as I type this just THINKING about it. I know this photo looks like nothing. I know you are all incredulous that someone as phobic as I stopped in mid-panic to take.a.picture. of them for the blog. I hope you know just how much I wish I had one of those pens that writes on the tele like the cricket commentators use to show you the GAGILLION spiders that are in this picture. I hope you are all noticing how DARK it is outside in this photo and that not only am I up at 5.30am, I am now having SPIDERS.DROP.ON.ME.FROM.THE.CEILING. By the time I found them they were all over the BIG LONG WALL in our back open plan room, the ceiling and heading up the hallway. GOD KNOWS what would have happened if we hadn't gotten up for another hour -they probably would have been the size of my hand and eaten the children. Anyway, a shitload of bug spray later, and substantial use of Mum's new, almost one THOUSAND dollar vacuum cleaner to clear the house of every.single.cobweb. I could find later, I was sort of resting easier. I would like it noted people that I PAY cleaners to clear cobwebs on a regular weekly basis in this house so events like having a gagillion baby spiders exploding from nests in different rooms all over the FREAKING HOUSE do not occur. Anyway, who'd like to come over for a coffee? After all this, I had a speed shower, grabbed the New Recruit and did a trial run of the trial run next week as I had an appt with my shrink on the other side of Sydney. For those new to us, and really, just because, behold the New Recruit as he appeared today: yes, that is drool. And he was as horrified at the baby spider explosion as the rest of us: Anyway, my shrink, who is a legend and has helped me overcome bulimia, two bouts of post natal depression, all manner of self-esteem issues, marital woes and sundry issues that come and go today, without any prompting or discussion by me, gave me some strategies for two areas of my life: - living with my mother - my appetite He is a very very good psychiatrist. I then drove to Haberfield and visited a little Italian cake shop profiled in Good Living a few weeks back. There were mini ricotta and chocolate cannoli purchased for the boys, arancini (still warm) for me and Chef for lunch and sfogliatelle for me and chef to have with coffee on my arrival home and Dr J debrief. If Oscar had been a healthy bub and Chef hadn't dislocated his knee and been off work for the first four (or was it six?) months of Oscar's life we would have bought a place in either Leichhardt, Marrickville or Haberfield (because at that stage in our lives we were close to having a deposit. Something I now look back on with quite a dose of incredulity). I can only imagine how our lives would had transpired if that had been the case.