Surrealism in the suburbs

Today is my official due date. Do you know how weird that is? That today, officially, the incubus is meant to come out. It won't of course, because apart from Oscar's dodgy chromosome 4, everyone in this household is deficient of the on-time gene. So now I enter the cool (albeit mentally destabilising zone) of being able to respond to people who ask, "So, when are you due?" with "oh, yesterday" or "5 days ago" or even better, "last week" and then just watch the fear flicker across their eyes as they back away ever so slowly. Mwahahahahahahaha! And just because I've been on a high horse of late - why is it that calls from friends about how I'm tracking are absolutely fine, but the calls from family drive.me.insane. ???