Thursday, October 13, 2005

How to really really irritate me...

1. Tell me "we're getting in first" (even though I believe they said the following last Christmas) and that Christmas is at their place this year. 2. Get an email telling us we've all agreed (really, I don't remember any conversation, let alone a conversation on this) we're all doing Kris Kringle present giving this year (for adults) but instead of spending, say $100, on the person you get (which my recollections of conversations we had about it last Christmas) but $20-$30. Tell me, WHAT do you get of any calibre outside the range of bathroom products (that normally result in a rash of some nature) or the hideous Grey Flannel gift set (or female equivalent) for that kinda money. I had planned to give each family or individual a hamper of home-made products (ie that I had made) and someone please tell me they'd rather have a loofer and hideous bath gel over a Kim home-made hamper of mini-Christmas cake, shortbread, jam, onion marmalade, quince relish, or other such morsels? who? Who? WHO? Oh - and say that we'll all buy presents for the kids because that's what Christmas is about (ah no - last time I looked it was actually about this guy called Jesus) - and then set the limit at $10, TEN dollars. Here ends the lesson on how to look generous but be really REALLY cheap all at the same time. 3. Then, send an i.n.v.i.t.a.t.i.o.n. to Christmas Day - an invitation! As if its someone's (as in, not Jesus') birthday. WITH an attached sheet of the menu - already partially filled in with names of those you actually bothered to talk to about it - with space to next to something to bring. What I love is that the things that are left are either ludicrously expensive (seafood) or time consuming (Christmas Cake/pudding). SO - I would like it known here and now - I will have a n.e.w.b.o.r.n. baby. We will have T.H.R.E.E. children. Chef works virtually e.v.e.r.y. single day from November to February, except Christmas Day. So if you want my bleeding netherbits, if you want my engorged breasts, if you want the lactating cow to be at your place on Christmas day with her family - this is NOT how you go about it. - 1. This family AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE THIS CHRISTMAS (short of maybe going camping to avoid all the family crap I endure EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR. of the nature outlined above). 2. Any of our family and friends are more than welcome to call in at.any.time. throughout the day and will not be expected (or WORSE - ALLOCATED) to bring anything. You will receive love, good cheer, a glass (or several) of some alcoholic celebratory beverage, and food that could be anything from seafood to a BBQ and salads to a traditional boiled Christmas pudding with Chef's remarkable brandy custard (this is the one thing I can not give up, even if it is 40 degrees in the shade and 99 per cent humidity... there must be Christmas pudding and custard). 3. IF you call in and we're not here, can I suggest you wander the 200 metres or so to the beach, where you will probably find us trying out new boogie boards and attempting to limit the amount of sand accidentally ingested by the baby. Here endeth the lesson.


Blogger Bec of the Ladies Lounge said...

You go, girl. Or rather, you stay. You are completely and utterly within your rights to have Christmas exactly as you planned, especially this year!
Confession: I get the occasional twinge of guilt for missing most of my little brother's wedding because of the extreme dramas associated with leaving the house with five week old twins, and then I think: fuck it. Borderline PND, less than 20 hours sleep a week, absolutely NO help from anyone (obviously, this includes the bride to be) to get to a registry office WITH NO PARKING and TWO newborn babies AND a four year old... You can't even fit that many children and two adults into a CAB for god's sake.
I'll stop now before this turns into a post all my own. Bitter? Me? Only like a lemon, babe.

10/13/2005 09:50:00 pm  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Here here. I was just about to suggest that you not go to the family event when I read that you had decided not to go to the family event!

Besides, the newborn excuse is always a good one.

Haven't you had that baby yet?

Just kidding. That was the worlds-most-annoying-question I got about five times a day during the last two months of my pregnancy.

10/13/2005 10:34:00 pm  
Blogger Ogre said...


Growing up our family had a nice tradition -- Christmas day our family was staying home with the kids. Anyone who wants to can drop by after noon -- the kids were not going anywhere.

The day after Christmas, everyone packed up into the car and made the rounds everywhere. Anyone who wanted food could make it and provide it at their own home and leisure!

10/13/2005 10:42:00 pm  
Blogger Tyra said...

I don't blame you at all for staying home, if anyone else has a problem with it tell them to go pack sand!

Michele sent me!

10/13/2005 10:43:00 pm  
Blogger Kim said...

Thank you! Why did I know sanity would prevail on the Internet. The internet is my friend (except for scary boobiethon types).

Lucinda - I keep trying to comment on your site and it won't let me. :(

Ogre - you have confirmed my plan - it is now officially tradition. We go nowhere Christmas Day. I always had this 'thing' about seeing my Dad and stepmother on Boxing Day but know they have real 'issues' with this (something about always coming second...) but it does reach a point where I feel like screaming at the universe to get over it. I have made my decision.

10/13/2005 11:00:00 pm  

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