Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Silent Scream

Right now, all over the world (well, the comparatively wealthy internet connected world anyway) blogging mothers of sensible natures are going: Only With A General Anaesthetic, Dude. And why? Well for this, of course: Kelly Preston-Only-Famous-For-Marrying-John Travolta Urges Katie Holmes to Have Scientology Approved Silent Birth Even Though Her Own Attempt At It Failed MISERABLY Okay, admittedly that's not quite the headline they used at MSNBC. But they shoulda. Now I had to think for a while as to whether I was qualified to comment on this one. Baby Number One: the lady down the hall who was induced after me and gave birth before me? Major Screamer. Me? Major Tongue Biter, ending in emergency caesar. Babies Number Two and Three: I had by then met the gynaecologist's wife who offered the sage advice, "At all costs, protect your fanny". So when my OB said, "Hmm, twins now and a previous caesar... well if you really want to try for a natural birth we could possibly..." I whipped out the trusty filofax and booked the elective c-section quick smart. So what do I know about the screaming? This. 1. Screaming chick had her baby SOOO much faster than I had mine. Who knew? 2. There are only two ways to a quiet birth: epidural or general anaesthetic. And of these two ways only one will really work because the worst kept epidural secret is? They.Let.It.Wear.Off.Just.When.You.Really.Need.It. 3. It matters not a pinch of shite how much you scream during birth. NOTHING will stop you screaming for the 10 years beyond it. mtc Bec PS - this one's for Kim. You still got a bellyful of arms and legs, sweetie?


Anonymous Nancy said...

I couldn't believe that there is an "approved" way of giving birth. Must have been written by a guy! Hey, I had a son and then twin daughters. I didn't scream for my son and had a c-section. And, a c-section for the twins, who just turned ten.

Here from Michele's!

10/11/2005 11:10:00 pm  
Blogger Kim said...

Yes the arms legs and rest of it are still on the inside - despite a good teaser attempt earlier in the evening.

1. I would sooner endure the agony than have an epidural. There is something about the concept of a needle going into my spine that I just can't come at. That and the catheter afterwards. Let that fanny tear I say.

2. I don't scream as much as spew and moan. Apparently, according to chef, I sound like I'm having an orgasm, which, again apparently, is quite offputting for his concentration and focus. Although the spewing does much to bring it back to the target.

3. I did gas with Oscar - which worked for the three to six contractions I had in the delivery room before I had to push.

4. Felix I did completely drug free as well, in 45 minutes from start to finish, there ain't much time for pain relief. By the time I asked for drugs, and was told I could have whatever I wanted if I breathed properly, then spewed a few times the urge to push had arrived and 3 pushed, about 10 minutes later it was all over.

5. I draw no end of humour and comfort from Katie-I'm-injected-with-the-sperm-of-a-T-C-look-alike and what she will endure as we all know her fiance's deep understanding and knowledge of modern medicine and the evils of it all...

10/12/2005 01:11:00 am  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

I felt my epidural wearing off right before I was supposed to start pushing and I demanded another one. Everything was held off until they could get it going. Later when I looked at the bill, I noticed that EACH epidural dose cost $2,000!! Glad I hadn't known that before asking for seconds!!

10/12/2005 06:08:00 am  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

And Kim, the epidural doesn't hurt. It just doesn't. You're in so much pain with the contractions that by the time you get it, you don't even notice it or care about the needle in the spine. In fact, you're begging for them to put the needle in your spine.
Just kidding. Actually, by the time they gave me the epidural, they had already given me some kind of other pain medication, so I was sort of loopy and really didn't notice the epidural process. I wish they'd told me it would be that way before I went into labor- I was terrified about getting the epidural.

10/12/2005 06:12:00 am  
Blogger Yummy London Mummy said...

So true. After the first time with forceps and venteuse and an epidural that worked only on my right half (now, that was nasty), and the second birth being endured with only gas and air because the epidural didn't work AT ALL, I am all for a C section if, and this is a big if, I have a third. Mind you, two toddlers are the best contraception in the world so the chances are extremely slim.

10/12/2005 06:14:00 am  
Anonymous alethea said...

love the caesar. lucky enough to experience very minor twinges before ob declared emergency caesar, bless her cotton socks. Was wheeled out of birthing suite in style and counted my blessings as i passed an adjoining suite inhabited by a screaming woman in labour. (At least, i think it was the woman...perhaps it was her husband!) endured a little pinprick, a bit of pulling and presto, darling little boy was there, all nice and clean and swaddled in white wraps. thank you, mr caesar!

10/12/2005 06:31:00 pm  
Blogger InterstellarLass said...

That poor, poor girl. She knows not what she's gotten herself in to. My epidurals were lovely, and they didn't wear off at all. Another friend of mine swears by the elective c-section. It's whatever you're most comfortable with! Thanks for stopping by yesterday Bec!

10/14/2005 04:15:00 am  

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