Glamorouse

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Warning: Red Alert: Tired Pregnant Hormonal Whinge Ahead

This morning is my morning for dropping boys at school. I love this as I get to pretend to be a 'real' mum while also practicing miliary like drills at getting everyone dressed, fed and out the door in a calm, orderly manner. So the irritants began when I had to spend half an hour cleaning up the kitchen even though AB had just had two days off. There was also no milk. I got to work at 10. I think that is the definition of a lost battle or failed military drill. Anyway, work was grossly dissatisfying in that there was lots done but nothing achieved. I got home, after stopping at the supermarket for milk, at 7.20ish. Felix cried approximately 1minute 30seconds after I walked through the door because at approximately 30 seconds after arrival he asked for dessert. People, I had maybe HALF my body actually inside the family home at that stage. Bec and I have conferred before on our ability to say no to child requests without even really thinking about it because we're so tired its just an automatic reflect, even if the request is pretty basic and requires little effort on our part. This was not one of those as they were in the midst of getting their teeth brushed to go to bed. This was a no for all the right reasons. Anyway, I then spend the next half an hour cleaning up the kitchen from a dinner for which I was not even present. I'm talking plates in dishwasher, saucepans, chargrill pans. So by this stage I was so fed up, tired, cranky that - naturally - I took it out on the kids. So instead of a bedtime story and song, it was a 'up to bed' and 'i'm not coming in until its quiet' type evening. I did explain to them and apologise for taking it out on them, but still, its another day gone. I saw a new naturopath on Friday who specialises in women, pregnancy and all the craziness that goes with those two. She reckons I have excellent cognitive understanding of my emotions and what I'm feeling and why, but don't actually 'allow' myself to feel them in their wholeness. This apparently makes me live in my smallness rather than the greatness that apparently all of you see in me. So, I'm here to say, I am 'allowing' myself to feel tired, cranky and generally pissed off.

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