Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Boys and their seed

Last nights awesome gathering of the den mothers featured some hilarious disclosures as to the behaviour and thoughts of our male offspring. Felix asked me the other week if we could "sexing together". I've no idea where this "sexing" word comes from but put all the blame on MTV and The Simpsons because that is what all good parents who are aware of just how bad television is for their children's brain development would think. AFter my immediate response of no, you never sexing anything with someone in your family I realised I needed to back it up a few kilometres and do my bit for all those women who will fall for my senstive yet competitive big blue-eyed boy. There was a lot of discussion about how special it is, how it marks a very important development in a relationship with a girl (I couldn't incorporate a 'or boy' component at this stage. I mean, really.) and if a girl says no, even if she originally said yes, you never ever force a girl blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda. You all know where I went with it. I know he knows what sexing is because of a FORTY FIVE minute discussion we had about where babies come from when.he.was.three. that he instigated and maintained with unrelenting curiosity. And then, last year saying to me when we were in the supermarket if I recall: F: Mummy K: Yes Felix F: To make a baby a daddy has to put his doodle into a mummy's vag K: Yes Felix F: Huh. F: Mummy K: Yes Felix F: Can we get this because I really really need it. I thought that was the end of it until two days later he suggested to his THREE year old cousin that he should 'sexing with E____", the three year old little girl who was also over to play. Granted, she is a goddess child of European and South American heritage, with soft falling curls, big doey brown eyes, millk coffee coloured skin and an impressive appetite, but really. Anyway, Den Mother Janine topped my story threefold with stories from the world according to Hamish, her scrumptious son. He wants to have millions of babies with Keeks, the Doodles daughter (bad luck Ham, I've baggsed her for Felix) by leaving his seed on the seat for her to sit on, because he has millions of seeds. But, the best story of her son's life comes from their recent sailing holiday around Thailand. Let's just say it involved a massage for Janine and the three kids and Ham turning to her saying: H: Mummy, this is excellent J: It is, isn't it. H: You know, if I took my undies off she could massage my penis and it would feel soooo good. (J falls off bed.) Who knew boys knew about rub and tugs at the ripe age of f.i.v.e... POSTSCRIPT: We visited Jasper's 'new' daycare centre today. The one with the beautiful staff, scrumptious food and staff/child ratio of 3/1. I am so happy.


Blogger Bec of the Ladies Lounge said...

I am delighted to say my three year old son is adamantly refusing to marry anyone, despite his two sisters many bridal suggestions, including themselves.
Now I realise he probably just wants to avoid the commitment and have lots and lots of sex.

1/25/2006 09:26:00 pm  
Anonymous Stephanie Davies said...

Wow, my son is 8 years old, and thus far has not even mentioned sex. Although part of that is to blame on his psychotic, evil grandmother who absolutely insists upon telling him that "God dropped him from heaven into my arms". sigh. I dread the birds & bees talk though...I really do.

You have a great blog here! And Michele sent me this morning - I'm glad I found it!

1/25/2006 11:20:00 pm  
Blogger Woman with kids said...

My 7 year old told me that when he wakes up in the morning, sometimes his thing is hard, so he just rolls over on it until it goes away. Uh... good?

1/26/2006 08:19:00 am  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Out of the mouths of babes, and all that! (lol) Very funny and kind of sweet and dear, too!

1/26/2006 06:00:00 pm  
Anonymous Amalah said...

The day Noah starts talking about sexing it with little girls is the day I start drinking heavily.

Oh. Wait. Never mind.

However, this post does have my heart in an icy grip of terror, because I like to pretend that his penis is strictly decorative and will be for life.

1/27/2006 02:20:00 am  
Blogger Suse said...

The other day I was in the study reading blogs (bad mother, bad mother) while Sons #2 and 3 were playing around in the lounge room. Stinking hot day, so they were only wearing undies and nothing else. I came in to check on them at one point and they were dancing round the room, singing, laughing helplessly, each with a cup (empty and plastic, thankfully) hanging off their little wee genitals.


(Son #1, like the mature nearly 12 year old he is, was rolling his eyes resignedly at them).

1/27/2006 09:57:00 am  

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