Confessions

I confess to feeling like a cranky old buzzard who just wants to stamp around the house muttering 'motherfucker', 'shithole', 'cunt', 'bastard', and any other swear word I can dream up, any slam a few doors while I'm at it. For no other reason than being a tired cranky old buzzard. ***** I confess to having an overwhelming urge to have a cigarette and get absolutely off-my-trolley drunk. Preferably on martinis, but a Cosmopolitan would be equally good, or even some Piper Heidsiech champagne. ***** I confess to being a strict old-fashioned parent of late, pulling the boys up on the slightest of behaviour glitches. ***** Xbox I confess that to mark a very big moment for Felix, we bought him Star Wars Lego for the Xbox. I HATE the Xbox. The Xbox brings out the worst of the cranky old buzzard. And that I then had an epiphany. I hate the boys playing Xbox (it is a very very rare event until the arrival of Star Wars Lego). I am one of those people who thinks Xbox, Play Station etc are major contributors to the downfall of civilisation. I hate the parent it makes me. Then I realised - who is the adult around here? So I sat the boys down, said I didn't like computer or video games, and that while they may play them on Daddy's watch, there will be no Xbox on Mummy's. They just shrugged, went "OK", and got a few books for us to sit on the lounge and read together. Then I read to them in bed and watched as their eyes got heavier and heavier and finally closed. And didn't feel like swearing quite so much. ***** Idiot I confess to being a COMPLETE IDIOT for not organising to take tomorrow off and have another 4-day weekend (for those of you overseas, Tuesday is a public holiday here for ANZAC day). ***** Amalah I love her writing and until yesterday felt a connection with her in the whole - oh my god - working and baby = hard. Then she went and fucking resigned. And is so friggin' talented, well-connected, popular - that she is going it alone and will - without a doubt - be hugely successful and subsequently rich. This has pissed me off. I know I have no place to be pissed off. At all. But I freelanced and basically sucked at it. Because I am, at my very core, inherently lazy. So when it came to pitching for new business or selling myself to prospective clients, I would sooner have gone to mother's group with the boys, eaten too many pieces of a crappy walnut custard loaf from Bakers Delight and left to be home in time to watch Dr Phil and Oprah. So I ended up working on shitty projects or good projects for bully-bosses and being very very very poor. Which was a very large contributor to my fast slide to madness. So really, what I'm confessing, is to being really very lazy and wanting the life of celebrity. ***** Inexplicable desire to be violent For some bizarre reason, I have a real urge to hit something. Not someone. But to do something hard and punishing - like a boxing class or something, where I can just pummel the shit out of something, sweat a lot and maybe scream a bit. ***** Insert swearing here ***** And Bec - who said you could go away for a few days??? Just because you work like a packhorse doesn't mean you then get to go frolic in the meadow for a few days. ***** I'm tired, and going to bed. And yes, I can hear you all thanking the Lord for such small mercies.